You can’t. That is, you might not be able to square them. I have come to realize from having a daughter in middle school that the policing of clothing is almost always of women over girls. She told me that there are rules on how to wear clothes and what to wear, but enforcement is up to the strictness of the teachers and principal. There is one teach constantly handing out citations to girls, though she did see one handed out to a guy. These citation have some sort of name. But in a country based on freedom of expression, girls are constantly in her upper middle class public school getting policed for showing a shoulder, a bra strap, ripped cut-off shorts, or navels (you know, belly buttons that they were born with—who knew that stripping the umbilical cord off would leave such an erotic treat that would turn into forbidden fruit that gets policed). The constant policing in schools of young girls gives the impression that they are deliberately trying to tempt boys with their bare shoulder. But no one is teaching the boys not to target girls, treat them with respect, and that non-consensual touching of a girl is not OK, and a form of assault, even if not painful. It can’t be squared. That’s what I meant by wishing you luck in trying to square this circle. If we keep getting strong signals to pound round pegs into square holes, I’m afraid you might keep getting these maddening catcalls. Sorry. But thanks much for sharing your thoughts and emotions on this problem women face the most.