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Segway Murder Chair For Training White Privilege in Teens
The Death of Reconstruction Ideology and the Rise of the White Gun
Full disclosure before I get sued by a beloved now Chinese company: this is satire. The first bit at least. It’s also a typically horrible idea. I was going to take a pass on criticizing Segway’s new child man toy until I came across their doozy of a tagline:
“Experience the excitement of firing bullets while in place, strafing or blazing by your target.”
Oh, white privilege, here’s my credit card. Imagine if you will learning to sit in an electric chair blazing around your neighborhood, using two joysticks to maneuver, with the power to fire “bullets while sitting in place.” Holy second amendment, here I come. Now imagine for a second you can see the problem of the white male confederate glory of America through this electric chair, getting the firsthand taste of how the habits of the privileged get ingrained deeper into the problems plaguing the rest of us. Don’t forget the real origin of the second amendment: to terrorize black slaves and put down rebellions by local white possies from 1676 onward. I’ll take two please.
When I say electric chair let me de-ambiguate that phrase. The teenager seen in the ad on Amazon I saw is not get fried in a prison type electric chair used in death row. It’s more like…
