Princess Kate and Prince William’s PR Misstep Revealed
Blacks on Queen’s Island Estate Ask for Freedom
Visiting the former and current black colony, Prince Will and Princess Kate encounter a “PR misstep.” That’s British BBC English for visiting a slave colony they forgot to free.
[Warning: This bit of satire can be triggering for American whites like me who didn’t know Jamaica, an island of blacks, was still under the Queen’s control and not independent. The mention of Reparations asked for by Jamaicans may inspire black American Descendants of Slavery (ADOS) to seek reparations as well from her majesty as Britain owned blacks in the American colonies from 1619 to 1776 as well as HR 40 bill sitting in Congress since 1989 that Biden hasn’t pushed along.]
The Jamaican chief said that William and the Queen forgot to give them full freedom with the other colonies. Blacks lined up inside cages, as in the photo above. Some were bold enough to say they really wanted Independence now. One of them even asked for Reparations.
“What? What’s that? I left a tip for the baggage boy,” replied William. “Isn’t one quid enough?”
“No dear,” interjected Princess Kate, “they mean they can repair things. Like lawn mowers.” And with that the PR flub was fixed, everyone had a nice chuckle, and it was rumored King-in-Waiting William went in to tip another pound note to the busboy, demonstrating his end of racist attitudes.
Americans too delighted in this tour of royalty so close to their home. Senator Ted Cruz was caught checking his Expedia account during the Ketanji Brown Jackson hearing for the next flight to Jamaica. When asked on Fox News if this was a faux pas, he scolded Hannity, “Sean, you didn’t tell me the British Queen still owned an island of blacks. Why did you send me to Cancun?”
Hannity shrugged his shoulders, not telling Cruz he was best in the country of his ancestors. (Real news reported Cruz is of Cuban ancestor, not Mexican, though to Tucker and Hannity it’s all the same place.)
Yes, that is correct. The Queen does still own Jamaica as a vacation resort. When a Canadian reporter asked why it was so complicated to free this black colony after slavery ended two hundred years ago in mainland England, she replied, “Because Her Majesty still finds the hand cut and milled sugar from the Duckenfield area of Jamaica the best.” She added that she did not like the Canadian journalist’s implication that blacks were still being used for “free labor,” and reported that they were paid “the absolute full minimum wage” set by the islanders.
“And tone yourself down, or you will see her Majesty’s semblance being taking off your Loonie,” using the popular name for Canadian currency that features a duck in a pond on the other side of the Queen’s head. (Apparently, no Canadian wanted to pose to be on the backside of the Queen so they used a harmless waterfowl with an ample name.)
There were many good moments in this trip that the British press and tabloids found worthy outside that minor PR flap, like when William played soccer, reminiscent of Putin’s hockey games. He was allowed to score several times against the professional black players, who were seen as “deferential,” the Queen’s journalists’ official word for submissive blacks.
Prince William, however, overcame this problem when he finally got around to perceiving the issue. He made a speech about the “abhorrence” and “sorrow” of slavery, the first time a Royal had admitted its existence in their family’s 1200-year of pure white history (having shipped that “dark” Meagan back to America). Slavery, he went so far as saying, “never should have existed.” He went on, “The Queen though still has a deep affection for her plantation — -I mean colony of blacks,” he hastily corrected.
Mr. Holness (pronounced Whole-ness), who had won top office in the country’s recent vote on the platform of “throwing these whites out,” said he would give them until after breakfast to clear out before declaring their independence. He calculated that even though only 3.2% of islanders were Caucasian, a sizable number of blacks still held a fondness for their old white masters.
Barbados, just recently freed thanks to the small population realizing all they had to do was vote to remove themselves from degrading white monarchical ownership, told the journalists how easy it was for them to vote. Rihanna, the most famous native, pledged her support. Slavery started there in the 1500s and “just lasted too long,” the pop star tweeted after being named a national hero.
The “Queen of Barbados” was the actual official title of Queen Elizabeth II of the island until November 30, 2021, when Rihana was crowned “National Hero” instead of Queen B since royal titles were no longer allowed. The new independent president Sandra Mason of that freed colony promised to call her Jamaican counterpart to let him know how to congregate in a room and raise your hand if you want freedom. “Right after we are done partying,” she commented with a wink. “Right now, we are still the world’s newest republic. 400 years under that white family of owners, that’s a year Mardi Gras ahead baby and we got Rihanna.”
It should be noted that Prince Charles acknowledged earlier in advance of Barbados’ freedom from his mom the “appalling atrocity of slavery” his family inflicted on the Caribbean Island who made them suffer for hundreds of years under their special brand of genteel monarchial authoritarianism. Asked if he was to pay reparations, he deflected, “What, we brought slavery to many countries, even America in 1619 apparently — until those damn chaps declared independence. Do you expect us to pay those slaves, too? I said it was atrocious, that is enough, acts as an apology and reparations, and the subject should be considered closed now, please. Next, you’ll be demanding we take Megan’s baby back and apologize. I mean, really…”
“But,” Dame Mason added with Rihanna tracks still playing in the background months later, “I won’t be calling the Canadian PM. Let them linger under her rule a little longer. I do so like seeing whites still enslaved by her, unable to declare their freedom.”
