Les Républicains

To The French: Do Democracy Right or End It Now!

This is not a submarine. It is a baguette, the only weapon of war the French recognize.
Ce n’est pas un submarine! it is a French weapon of war. Photo by Anastasia gezalova on Unsplash

They have nothing on us. They make politics look like a tea party for children instead of an aggressive bloodsport.

The French need to either stop fooling around or end their excuse for what barely passes as democracy.

The French politicians running for President get to spend nothing, almost nothing, when running for office. How can you blame President Sarkozy of overspending? They have a campaign cap of $27 million for their whole campaign — primaries and main event! That’s not a pre-storming of the Baille not adjusted for inflation number but in today’s dollar. That amount wouldn’t even get a U.S. candidate to the primaries. Let alone passed it. And who caps abuse of power?

You can’t limit power for a president who is a leader of the free world.

President Sarkozy of France, former or ex-president. Whatever, he still tried to run again four years after the voters threw him out.

France politics is a poor imitator of the U.S. democracy it tried to copy with their botched though successful revolution. His right-wing party is even named Les Republicains, a direct steal from ours showing a complete lack of originality.

And imagine this: they convicted him from a crime of spending over the legal limit to win. $50 million, almost double. That pathetic amount might get you a few TV ads in Wyoming and North Dakota during the presidential election, maybe South Dakota if CNN or Fox is offering a BOGO.

Pathetic, really pathetic. You call that crime? Even the weakest U.S. Democratic senator would snicker at that paltry sum, let alone Sleepy Joe. In fact, that sum would have put Biden to sleep. He barely would have worked to raise that amount, maybe a morning coffee break to get some SuperPac mega donor, so time for a lunchtime nap.

The Koch brothers (pronounced Coke like the drink and not coke like cocaine) would have considered that amount a rounding error to give a Republican SuperPac. They laugh in the face of any Republican asking for that paltry sum. This, the richest privately held company in America, and don’t have to answer to shareholders. They made almost $120 billion last year, and put $10 billion in cash personally under their mattress (stock options are wimps). They spent $25 million alone as an afterthought to get judges in Mississippi elected — and that’s already a Les Red State! That’s how Republicans worthy of the name do things President Sarcasticy (semi-apology but he can’t even spell his name so it looks French).

This is the second time too in recent years that a French President has been convicted — not just charged but actually convicted. That’s sad. Can you imagine the humiliation of the French people of seeing their second president convicted in this century? Double shame. And for what? Not for even what amounts to a speeding ticket in U.S. politics. “Sorry officer, I did a rolling stop at the intersection.” “Well, you should have done a full stop, there’s a school playground nearby. It is moving, not stopping. I still have to give you an impeachment moving violation, but you can take senatorial driver’s ed to have it reduced to a national joke.” “But officer what is the definition of moving? What is “is”? A helping verb or the main one?”

Sarkozy convicted by French court in campaign financing case (apnews.com)

Personally, I think the French can’t take democracy seriously and don’t even know what constitutes real political crime. Spending too much on an election certainly doesn’t count. That’s just expected. They might be trying for a political gold medal in anti-democracy democracy, catching up to the South Koreans who put their second president in jail this century. So far, the tie breaker goes to the Koreans as ties are broken by secondary rules that look at punishment, and the Koreans actually put theirs in jail. Yes, the French can’t even do punishment right: Sarkozy got a beeping dog collar, an invisi-fence that keeps him home and near le cafe during lunch that is set off by alarm that goes around his ankle. Geez.

Thus, America appears to be your hands down winner in democracy politics, when judged by acts that pretend to look criminal. Getting fellatio from an intern while chatting at the Resolute desk with a French president during lunch? A smack on the wrist, maybe.

Planning openly a call to arms inviting your loyalists to the nation’s capital and sending them down like a pack of rabid dogs to break into Congress and overthrow the legal vote count so you get re-installed as President? Hardly worth the time. A light toothless investigation by a legislative body that has no dentures to even prosecute crimes. And we already know the outcome after two impeachment trials: not guilty, although they don’t declare guilt or innocence since it’s not a criminal trial as noted. That Frenchie is the way to handle crime and sexual harassment by key politician.

And please, even a Senate investigation into a publicly announced coup attempt cost more than a French election. Somebody should tell the French how to do democracy, Go Big or Go Home. The way they spend money is more like a dictatorship where no money is spent on elections (cause their aren’t any), or a “managed-democracy” like in Russia, where you only have to spend tax money on the first round (because by the second round you’ve disqualified opposition by having the police arrest them for chewing gum on a public square and now have no one to run against except a third party candidate you created who praises you).

Look, you do democracy right France or don’t do it all. You used the guillotine to create it, turning the Seine red and leaving the queen’s head bobbing on it like an apple. And now look at you, lounging at a cafe all day and chatting.

Real democracy gives us Freedom, but Freedom is not free. It’s expensive.

You have to know how to spend money to protect it, no matter what the cost or how many trials. It took 18 investigations to find Hillary innocent of storing emails on a computer. It took two impeachment trials to find Trump innocent. Each one cost more than an election for the mayor of Paris. And that’s supposed to be an important world city!? No wonder why we have a strong democracy. We leave no stone unturned. (and unturned, and unturned, and unturned…)

No wonder why there are no insurrections in France. They are too lazy. These are not the type of people you buy a submarine from, just because subs are shaped like baguettes. They are probably thinking of the sandwich and not a weapon of war. Geez, Les Republicains, what a disappointment, and so undeserving of the name.

Engaged in New Ideas, New recipes, Study of Class, Race and Inequality, Born on the 50th Anniversary of Women's Lib Day, seeking injustices.

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Bren Kelly

Bren Kelly

Engaged in New Ideas, New recipes, Study of Class, Race and Inequality, Born on the 50th Anniversary of Women's Lib Day, seeking injustices.

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